Ok so I know that some of you know about my trying to get my health and stuff straightened out by getting on SSI so that someone had to believe me that I couldn't do it in my own. Being that I live in the state of Oregon and if any of you live here to you will know what I mean about the healthcare system around here being messed up. Anyway its not that I don't or can't necessarily work but as it stands I can't because of some lingering health issues and people in general being stupid and judgemental. Anyway thats not the point. My point is that I went to the free clinic and stuff yesterday and finally one of the doctors believed me about the anxiety, depression and panic attacks and has given me some medicine to help keep it under control. Now maybe that I am on some medication for it I can start looking for a mental health specialist to work with me so that I have that outlet I need to further better myself which will be great. I don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. because I knew that if I did not or could not get my depression and anxiety under control, that it would take over my life moreso that it already has and that I would not beable to work whatsoever because of it. So yeah I mean I already feel a lot better now that a medical professional actually believes me and wants to help. I think part of the reason the doctor actually believed me is because I was having a full scale anxiety and panic attack right there in front of her in the little privacy booth and couldn't even help it. So yeah, now with that getting fixed I can actually go and prove to SSI that the problem is what part of what is holding me back from working and that they need to help me out with medical care and money until I can get vocational rehabilitation and get healthy enough to work. That and now I can actually sit down long enough to research what I need to research some other stuff and what not without feeling overwhelmed. Then again maybe now I can actually get around to finishing those two books I'm working on. So I'm rather happy right now and I'm actually having a good day and I mean good as in the anxiety and paranoid tendencies aren't kicking.
