Once again its dragging me down. I mean really what right do I have to complain about being alone if I'm to scared to do anything about it anymore. I mean its been almost, and I quote, almost 7 years since I've been with my daughter's daddy. and its been two since I've been with the one who committed suicide. out of all the few relationships I've had since then those two were the most meaningful. the others have simply been a means to an end. An end to what I dont know but a means to an end none the less. Does this give me a right to be so hard on myself and so hateful towards those who remind me everyday of my loneliness and thus seperation from that which has, or supposed to have, any real meaning to anyone my age? I don't know if it does give me the right or not to be honest but its become so hard not to voice how I am feeling. as I see those around me feeling those same feelings I would give anything to have once again and I die inside a little more each time I see it. Its almost as though its become my cyanide.
