Did it ever occur that bringing up a dead lover is bad enough when the one person affected the most still hasn't healed, even two years after the fact. Even when all had been said and done. The one person you loved most in life (in an adult romantic relationship of course). To have someone continually bringing it up, its killing me inside all over again. And people wonder why I am so against love now. Because everytime I've ever loved someone they get taken away from me. I mean My grandmother died of a heart attack, my daughter was taken out of my care because of two vindictive people I thought were my friends, my soul mate commits suicide. The one person who knew him better, perpetuated his lie out of fear of hurting me but in the end it only hurt me worse, which that was all dealt with and we are ok with each other now so. but the idea that someone can't let it go and therefor refuses to let me let it go as well makes it even worse. I mean I know that for a long time this person hada crush on him and tried everything to get this person to leave me and go to her was bad enough especially when he wouldn't do it. and then he just ups and kills himself. I wasn't there when it happened but i have these dreams in which I see ecxactly how he did it and thats traumatising enough to see.
How do I get over it when the other person can't and won't let it go? I mean I've asked this person to let it go and that they were making it that much harder for me to let the person go as well. I mean its bad that I can't let myself heal as it is and with this person not letting it go makes it that much harder.
How much longer do I have to continue being a walking breathing festering wound of insecurity, instability, and self loathing self hatred? I mean yeah for a long time I blamed myself for his death and I thought I had gotten over atleast the guilt and had moved onto denial, anger and then acceptance. Am I still in guilt, denial and anger?
