http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/11/nyregion/11train.html?fta=y
I'm pretty sure most autastic people like myself are put on this earth to do one thing. That one thing they can do better than anybody else because its natural for them. Whereas other people go to school and train for years to get a piece of paper stating they can do that, Autastic people have studying the one thing they are supposed to do THEIR ENTIRE FUCKING LIVES!
This guy would make a damn good employee, he obviously wants to drive a damn train... he would most likely do it for free because he loves trains so much and has been obsessed with them his entire life. But thats a problem because....?
The status quo has done irreparable damage to people like us. I doubt I will ever get to do the one thing I've wanted to do my entire life because of all of the extraneous bull??? I've had to do to even get a chance at racing school. If it doesn't directly relate to racing, I will not, I CANNOT waste time doing it.
I've spent years playing racing sims, reading about racing, racing my RX-7, Racing MY FUCKING MINIVAN AND DOING IT BETTER AND FASTER THAN MOST PEOPLE IN SPORTSCARS WHOM I PASS ON THE TURNS! But do I get track time or any way to get noticed by anybody whose actually in the race industry, no. I was on a first name basis with most of the police officers in Oakland County, but no driving gigs were ever offered.
So the days pass, the months pass, the years pass. Each year makes it less and less likely that I will do what I'm supposed to do on this planet. I'm not getting any younger and the the drivers in most series are getting younger...
soooooo, where does that leave me? busting my ass in a minimum wage job for 3 years or so attempting to save up money to go to racing school? By that time it won't be a very doable option for me to be anything other than an amateur driver, and thats the last thing I want. I want a ???ing career. Hell, pay me minimum wage to race your car AND WIN. Just give me a ???ing chance here.
It's not like this is a passing interest here... this is my reason for continuing to wake up and not giving in to the depression and resultant death. As it fades away *I* fade away.
I guess I'll just end up fading away. But please don't worry about me! I'd rather be nothing than live without fulfilling my one true desire. What does a cell do when its no longer useful....?
I've begged and pleaded to have that ???ing money that was put aside for my college tuition to be used for racing school since I was like twelve. It's not like the money isn't there or anything and I tried for years to do it the status quo way BUT IT HASN'T FUCKING WORKED AND HAS MADE ME MORE MISERABLE THAN ALL OF MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS COMBINED!
I guess I'll try for another few years, but again, I'd rather be nothing than fail to live my purpose. I will reach my vanishing point sooner or later and I will find my peace then.
