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Tag: jokes
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(some of these are tired but still will give a smirk...Cj) Yo momma's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo momma's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo momma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make cookies. Yo momma's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the... Read More
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows. The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.' The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.' The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars... Read More
Understanding Engineers - One Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyw... Read More
Games to play when we're older: 1. Sag, you're it. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket. 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE: 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your under... Read More
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007 Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school. 1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge> them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to clas... Read More
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