Title: NO MORE SECOND BEST
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Blog Entry: No More Second Best: All my life, I have always been second best to someone: next in line to be with someone I love, broken promises, lies....it has always been something that depresses me, but right now, I couldn't care less about having a girlfriend. I keep my friends close, and that's all I need. Not saying my heart doesn't feel sliced open at times, but I'm stronger than people give me credit for. Not saying I can take bullets, I'm only human, and no one usually gives me a chance, which is their fucking loss. The pain I have felt for days, weeks, months, years, however long it has been, however long I have been hurt by something, whoever has hurt me in the past....I could scream frick you all in your ear, but I won't. Right now, I'm pretty fucking happy, regardless if someone is in my life or not, I couldn't give two shits. Love hurts. They say it conquers all, and I believe that, but my past experiences with it has only hurt me, so I will take the love I have, from my family, and my OTHER family: my friends. Someday I could want someone in my life again, and I won't say no if someone comes around wanting to be with me, but if not, I don't really give a fuck. The friends I have that are in relationships, the ones I have loved for a long time I say only this: I know how to keep my boundaries. If you know me as well as I know you do, you know that I for one KNOW how to keep them. Not saying I can't feel the fire of hell's pain in my heart at times, but I know how to handle it, I have for a long time. Sometimes it is easier to take care of than I give it credit for, and sometimes I feel I don't do enough to prevent it....but even so, I WILL NOT BE SECOND BEST AGAIN! Mark my words, all of you, my friends, my loves, my life: I REFUSE to be, and I NEVER WILL be again! This is NOT a sign of anger, this is NOT a sign of depression, this is how I feel right now. Wherever life takes me, you are my world, my friends, you keep me alive and going. You make me stronger, you give me hope, and without you, I wouldn't be here today. The day I wanted it all to end, and almost did so, YOU were the ones that stopped me. You were all in my heart that day, and I couldn't leave you. I love you all, and if you really are my friends, you will love me too....
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